Sons In Law Bill Of Rights

Bill Of Rights

The son-in-law shall be deemed the most important person in the world of his in-laws. Therefore he shall be given the highest attention . (Whenever he talks the in-laws shall stand in hushed silence till they are told that they can respond) The degree of attention shall double if the son-in-law’s wife is present at the meeting.

A large (at least 20 in. by 24 in.) photograph of the son-in-law, grandly framed, shall adorn the in-law living or family room. (Whenever the son-in-law is in-residence at the in-law’s the picture shall be garlanded with fresh, fragrant flowers everyday) An in-law in company with the son-in-law shall be required to carry a picture of the latter in his wallet. (This could be surprise-checked from time to time)

The son-in-law shall never be overruled by in-laws – his word shall be the last word in any situation.

A son-in-law shall never be required to apologize for anything. In fact if an in-law attempts to seek an apology, the entire in-law family shall be deemed guility of the indecent behavior and shall be liable to a group apology and fines through “Son-In-Law Treatment Violation Committee.”

A son-in-law can cancel any scheduled meetings with in-laws at a moment’s notice.

Twice yearly the son-in-law shall be feted grandly and his superlative attributes eloquently broadcasted to all the near kith and kin. ( E-mails strictly forbidden, only CD’s, VCD’s, and DVD’s allowed)

The son-in-law shall approve the menus for any eating and drinking occasions. His favorite wines and whiskies shall be available all the times at the in-law house.

At bed-time, when he is resident in the in-law house, his hand shall be kissed by the prettiest in-law woman and the in-law men shall bow to him. After getting in the bed the pretty in-law woman shall massage the son-in-law till he falls asleep. (No male in-laws allowed in the bedroom at this time) (If the in-laws do not have a pretty woman they may get one from the relatives, neighbors, or Yellow Pages)

In mornings the father or mother in-law shall bring tea to son-in-law’s bed, served in silver crockery, with fresh-cut, fragrant flowers on tea-tray. In the morning the in-laws will not initiate any conversation with the son-in-law till he feels he is ready for it.

The son-in-law shall not be required to do any work in the in-law house. In fact even a thought of it will be subject to an inquiry conducted by “The Son-In-Law Treatment Violation Committee,” and if found guilty the involved in-law will be appropriately fined or punished physically or both.

A son-in-law residing at his in-laws shall always be escorted by an in-law, preferably a brother-in-law – older the better.

No one shall ever think of making fun of a son-in-law, even in jest.

Suffern, N.Y.

Rev.: 2.1.03
Orig.: 7.5.01

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